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  1. #1
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    9 out of 9 members liked this post. Yes Reputation No

    A Couple of insensitive LOL's

    I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning!



    The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did .... she's 21 and her name's Lucy.



    Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.



    My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's 3 schools this year! You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."



    Just been to the gym. They've got a new machine in. Could only use it for half an hour, as I started to feel sick. It's great though. It provides me with everything I need - KitKats, Mars Bars, Snickers, Potato Crisps, the lot.."



    Question - Are there too many immigrants in Britain? 17% said yes; 11% said No; 72% said "I am not understanding the question please."



    I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You obviously haven't been listening."



    My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare for the worst. So, I had to go down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back.



    There's a new Muslim clothing shop that opened in our shopping center, but they threw me out after I asked if I could look at some of the bomber jackets.



    The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if we could contribute towards the floods in Pakistan. I said we'd love to, but our garden hose only reaches to the driveway.

  2. #2
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    Click here to enlarge Originally Posted by George Smooth Click here to enlarge
    My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare for the worst. So, I had to go down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back.
    Liked this one the best. Actually did LOL.


  3. #3
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    Hahahahaha repped for the lolz
    Some people live long, meaningful lives.

    Other people eat shit and die.

    I'm not racist, I hate everybody equally; especially fat people.


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  4. #4
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    Click here to enlarge Originally Posted by George Smooth Click here to enlarge
    My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's 3 schools this year! You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."
    by far the best one

  5. #5
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    Click here to enlarge Originally Posted by George Smooth Click here to enlarge
    I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You obviously haven't been listening."
    This one is epic
    2006 AW/Black ZCP 6MT


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    Instagram :: @NotSMG.M3

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  6. #6
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    1 out of 1 members liked this post. Yes Reputation No
    nice lulz for the day

  7. #7
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    Click here to enlarge Originally Posted by Matt@AUTOCouture Click here to enlarge
    nice lulz for the day
    time to change your sig buddy

  8. #8
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    Click here to enlarge Originally Posted by George Smooth Click here to enlarge
    The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did .... she's 21 and her name's Lucy.
    This one is the best, LOL.

  9. #9
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    Very funny lol
    Burger Motorsports
    Home of the Worlds fastest N20s, N54s, N55s, S55s, N63s, and S63s!

    It is the sole responsibility of the purchaser and installer of any BMS part to employ the correct installation techniques required to ensure the proper operation of BMS parts, and BMS disclaims any and all liability for any part failure due to improper installation or use. It is the sole responsibility of the customer to verify that the use of their vehicle and items purchased comply with federal, state and local regulations. BMS claims no legal federal, state or local certification concerning pollution controlled motor vehicles or mandated emissions requirements. BMS products labeled for use only in competition racing vehicles may only be used on competition racing vehicles operated exclusively on a closed course in conjunction with a sanctioned racing event, in accordance with all federal and state laws, and may never be operated on public roads/highways. Please click here for more information on legal requirements related to use of BMS parts.

  10. #10
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    1 out of 1 members liked this post. Yes Reputation No
    hahaha had a good laugh thanks for the jokes. Click here to enlarge
    08 335i | Space Gray | Burl Walnut Wood Trim | Sport pkg | Premium Pkg | LOGIC7 | Navi | Comfort Access


    | COBB | Injen DCI | Active Autowerke | Sonic Tuning | E92 Lighting | ER | HKS | BMS |

  11. #11
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    Click here to enlarge awesome George.

  12. #12
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    I'm in class, trying to keep a straight face - it isn't working too well. Thank you george...for the lulz!

  13. #13
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    @georgesmooth
    man, we need some more. everytime i see this bumped im hoping its something new

  14. #14
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    Click here to enlarge Originally Posted by LostMarine Click here to enlarge
    @georgesmooth
    man, we need some more. everytime i see this bumped im hoping its something new
    Me too! lol
    Burger Motorsports
    Home of the Worlds fastest N20s, N54s, N55s, S55s, N63s, and S63s!

    It is the sole responsibility of the purchaser and installer of any BMS part to employ the correct installation techniques required to ensure the proper operation of BMS parts, and BMS disclaims any and all liability for any part failure due to improper installation or use. It is the sole responsibility of the customer to verify that the use of their vehicle and items purchased comply with federal, state and local regulations. BMS claims no legal federal, state or local certification concerning pollution controlled motor vehicles or mandated emissions requirements. BMS products labeled for use only in competition racing vehicles may only be used on competition racing vehicles operated exclusively on a closed course in conjunction with a sanctioned racing event, in accordance with all federal and state laws, and may never be operated on public roads/highways. Please click here for more information on legal requirements related to use of BMS parts.

  15. #15
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    A buddy of mine told me he is getting it on with his girlfriends twin. I said" how can you tell them apart?" He said "Her brother's got a mustache".


    The staff at Mcdonalds are so friendly these days, when a fat bird served me earlier she even apologised for the weight.

    70 Things a woman is good for
    1) Making Sandwitches
    2) 69

    When I am angry I count to ten before I speak to my wife again. It gives her a chance to get back up on her feet.

    I love how babies always look drunk. Even after 1 beer.

    Wife: You know I have changed my mind
    Husband: Thank God, does the new one work?

    Wife: "I bet you cannot go a whole day without making fun of my period".
    Husband: You're on




  16. #16
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    YESSSSS
    Burger Motorsports
    Home of the Worlds fastest N20s, N54s, N55s, S55s, N63s, and S63s!

    It is the sole responsibility of the purchaser and installer of any BMS part to employ the correct installation techniques required to ensure the proper operation of BMS parts, and BMS disclaims any and all liability for any part failure due to improper installation or use. It is the sole responsibility of the customer to verify that the use of their vehicle and items purchased comply with federal, state and local regulations. BMS claims no legal federal, state or local certification concerning pollution controlled motor vehicles or mandated emissions requirements. BMS products labeled for use only in competition racing vehicles may only be used on competition racing vehicles operated exclusively on a closed course in conjunction with a sanctioned racing event, in accordance with all federal and state laws, and may never be operated on public roads/highways. Please click here for more information on legal requirements related to use of BMS parts.

  17. #17
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    2 out of 2 members liked this post. Yes Reputation No
    Here are a couple...

    A robber bursts into the bank and yells "Give me the money!" A brave customer runs over and pulls his mask off. "You can't rob the bank now. I've seen your face!" The robber thinks about it for a moment and then shoots him. "Anyone else see my face?" he asked menacingly. After a few moments silence, a man shouts up "I think my wife had a look!"


    A man is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock on the front door. He opens it to find two sheriff's deputies there. He asks if there is a problem. One of the deputies asks if he is married. He says "Yes, I am". The deputy then asks if he could see a picture of the man's wife. The guy says "Sure" and gets a photo to show them. The deputy says "I'm sorry, sir. But it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck". The guy replies "I know, but she has a great personality and is an excellent cook".

  18. #18
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    The economy has gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can’t afford batteries!

  19. #19
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    A man is stopped by the police at midnight and asked where he’s going.
    “I’m on the way to listen to a lecture about the effects of alcohol and drug abuse on the human body.”
    The policeman asks,
    “Really? And who’s going to give a lecture at this time of night?”
    “My wife”, comes the reply.

  20. #20
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    Q. What is the difference between a Drug Dealer and a Hooker?
    A. A Hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

  21. #21
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    I was out walking in the woods when I found a dead woman's body. I phoned the police who came straight out. They asked me how I found the woman's body. I said "Well her tits were okay but the rigor mortis made her ass hole a bit tight for my liking".

  22. #22
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    I was watching the news about the stricken cruise ship when the News reporter said "She's lying on her side with a gash the size of a tennis court". I just happened to glance over at the wife on the sofa and that's when the fight started.

  23. #23
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    In 1272, the Arabs invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine. In 1873, the British somewhat refined the idea, by taking the intestine out of the goat first. I hope you appreciate this history update.

  24. #24
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    My wife suffocated last night, at least she got to see her new pillow before she died.

  25. #25
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    My wife had a job interview at a camera store the other day. Before she left, she knew I'd have a joke lined up, so on her way out she said "Please don't give me any of your silly puns like 'you're a snappy dresser' or 'it'll be over in a flash' etc etc". Annoyed with her interrupting me I punched her in the face, and said "That bruise should develop in about an hour and if you interrupt my jokes again, well, you get the picture..."

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