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    • These are the world's top 5 most overrated BMW tuners

      The BMW world for whatever reason attracts to it a lot of shady people and many tuners who overstate their ability. Not everyone on this list is shady but it is filled with tuners whose reputation does not match their ability. Let's start with number 5.

      5. ESS-Tuning


      Oh, sure, people will point to ESS-Tuning 'records' on the E9X M3 platform. Are they a product of ability or simply volume bolstered by drag strip conditions on the east coast in the winter?

      The truth is ESS-Tuning does not have the ability to match their claims. For a bolt on option that works, they are great. When they move outside of that narrow sphere, bad things happen.

      Need evidence?

      MYSTERY SOLVED: WHAT HAPPENED TO THE ESS TUNING SUPERCHARGED RDSPORT STROKER M3? BLOWN MOTOR / S65 ENGINE FAILURE DIAGNOSIS

      ESS TUNING THREATENS BIMMERBOOST WITH LEGAL ACTION OVER REVEALING ISSUES WITH THE SUPERCHARGED RDSPORT STROKER MOTOR

      ESS-TUNING PROBLEMS WITH F82 M4 F80 M3 S55 TURBO KIT TUNING AND HARDWARE, FORUM CENSORSHIP, AND THE DANGERS OF BEING AN ESS GUINEA PIG


      AMS PERFORMANCE DROPS ESS-TUNING IN LIEU OF THEIR OWN TUNING SOLUTION FOR THEIR ALPHA 9 F10 M5 / F13 M6 S63TU TURBO UPGRADE PACKAGE

      ESS-TUNING ACCUSES EVOLVE OF USING ESS TUNES, POTENTIALLY DANGEROUS TUNING, AND BIMMERBOOST OF GENERATING PROPAGANDA FOR EVOLVE

      ESS-TUNING SERVICE AND ALPHA-N E60 M5 S85 V10 TUNING ISSUES - THIRD PARTY ACCOUNT OF SWITCH TO EVOLVE ALPHA-N S85 TUNING


      When ESS attempts to tread outside of a bolt on supercharger kit for the M3 (centrifugals being the EASIEST superchargers to tune) they usually fail. Especially when it comes to custom projects. When BimmerBoost highlighted this in some of the articles you see above, ESS threatened BimmerBoost with legal action.

      Nothing ever came of their threat because everything you see above is true. If a tuner is so insecure over their perception of being good maybe they really aren't as good as they want people to think?

      4. G-Power


      G-Power at least deserves credit for attempting high performance builds. Out of all the tuners on this list, they build the strongest BMW's so props for that.

      The problem? Let's say you want a twin supercharged S85 V10 like the one pictured above. It will run you $40k+ for the supercharger kit before an engine build for their highest stage. Once you go to their SKIII system you are looking at $57k plus labor. You can buy an E60 M5 today for almost half that. Not to mention, bolt on a Vortech blower for a fraction of the price and have more power. Just look at their $25k Mono SKII system.

      G-Power is a tuner for people with too much money to care. They will build you a reasonably fast car but it will cost you more than the car is worth. They also never backup their claims with 1/4 mile runs or wheel output dynos.

      We did get a crank dyno for their recent claim of a 1001 horsepower twin supercharged S85 V10 system but it is not a raw graph. When they start showing what they are making at the wheels we will start taking them seriously.

      G-Power does hold the BMW top speed record. This is impressive although it is primarily a product of being able to use the autobahn to set it so nobody elsewhere in the world has challenged them.

      If you have more money than sense, feel free to check them out. Don't be surprised when you get smoked by a cheaper option though.

      3. AC Schnitzer


      Another BMW tuner that made it's name in the days before forums and in the days before the turbo era. At one time, (think E36/E46) they built some very cool BMW's. These days they pretty much just do body kits although they have been setting some course records in Germany.

      Their 'tuning' amounts to re-branding springs and suspensions components as their own. They add in a rebranded piggyback for some more horsepower and then go run a lap on courses they have in their backyard for a record. It is not as if US tuners are going to fly a car to Germany to top it so they are safe.

      When it comes to powerful aftermarket BMW's they are nowhere to be found. No 1/4 mile records, no dyno records, no 1/2 mile records, and no acceleration records of any kind.

      They play it safe making big margins on body pieces people in Russia and the Middle East overpay for. They are overrated.

      2. Hamann


      Hamann is basically like AC Schnitzer except without any records of any sort. Another company that used to do hardcore tuning such as stroker motors that is now reduced to selling wheels and body kits.

      Not that they care, they have the Hamann name and whore it out as much as they can. This name brand approach is popular overseas but when is the last time you saw someone in the United States drooling over a Hamann built car? If someone drools over Hamann anything, they suffer from mental retardation.

      They have no impressive engine tuning whatsoever. They are completely all show and no go. Just look at their M2 tuning program. Body pieces and teal wheels which will slow the car down. Wow, how impressive. You can literally outperform their vehicle with a stock M2 and a tune from basically any US tuner.

      These guys have been coasting on their name for decades.

      1. Dinan


      It pains BimmerBoost to have Dinan as number one but it is exactly where Dinan should be. It is not that Dinan is bad or produces bad parts. It is just that they are overpriced and underperform.

      Just look at this:

      DINAN'S WEAK BMW TURBO ERA TUNING - COMPARING F85 X5M 1/4 MILE RESULTS WITH DINANTRONICS STAGE I S63TU PIGGYBACK TO ACM ECU FLASH TUNING

      WHY BOTHER WITH DINAN AGAIN? PRECISION TUNING PUSHES THE 2013 F01 ALPINA B7 N63TU OVER 600 HORSEPOWER AT THE WHEELS

      Yet another BMW switching from Dinan 'Dinantronics' to a proper ECU flash tune - F13 M6 Gran Coupe S63TU picks up huge gains with Eurocharged vs. Dinan tuning

      DINAN STAGE I DINANTRONICS F80/F82 M3/M4 S55 TUNE DYNOJET DYNO RESULTS - +~20 WHEEL HORSEPOWER

      In the BMW performance community, if you run Dinan, you're a joke. What's the point? To overpay for parts to be slower than those with cheaper parts? Dinan can not even flash tune modern BMW's.

      This is why Dinan suddenly embraced piggybacks after criticizing them. This led to Dinan responding to BimmerBoost's criticism of their public flip-flop.

      There are some who will point to Dinan in motorsport and sure, they do some great things there. However, street BMW's are not race cars. The BMW race cars have unlocked ECU's. Dinan does not have that same luxury with the street cars and it shows as the new TriCore ECU's proved too difficult for them.

      Also, what ever happened to that S63TU turbo upgrade promised from Dinan almost three years ago? Nothing happened. Dinan simply was not able to deliver and if it does come to market it will likely be a rebranded upgrade from another tuner much like their N55 turbo upgrade.

      Dinan is without question the most overrated tuner in the BMW aftermarket today. If you are one of those people saying, 'What about the warranty?' you are probably their target market.

      If you want a fast BMW, you simply don't choose Dinan.

      This article was originally published in forum thread: These are the world's top 5 most overrated BMW tuners started by Sticky View original post
      Comments 77 Comments
      1. OffensiveDriver's Avatar
        OffensiveDriver -
        Too bad Alpina only imports two cars, both of which I'm not much interested in.

        Americans are dumb (ask the Germans).
      1. Sticky's Avatar
        Sticky -
        Click here to enlarge Originally Posted by OffensiveDriver Click here to enlarge
        Americans are dumb (ask the Germans).
        How so? Ask the Germans what? How to import millions of refugees and destroy society?
      1. Stevenh's Avatar
        Stevenh -
        I used to come to this site for dynos, updates and tuning developments on all sorts of platforms... I can't help but feel its turned into a BMW gossip rag over the last few months.
      1. OffensiveDriver's Avatar
        OffensiveDriver -
        Click here to enlarge Originally Posted by Sticky Click here to enlarge
        How so? Ask the Germans what? How to import millions of refugees and destroy society?
        LOL. Not sure about your politics but yeah, BMWNA has always gotten a lot of what we used to call "detuned" $#@! because BMW said the American market is not sophisticated enough to get the best of what they had. Lawsuits, the fact that anyone can get a license to drive as longs as they're breathing, blah blah blah.

        Not sure what we're not getting today but I sure would like an M5 touring or a 3 or 5 series Alpina.

        We had a grey market '85 B9 coupe (6 series) back in the day. Better than any fat piece of junk that was imported at the time (that may be before your time).
      1. Sticky's Avatar
        Sticky -
        Click here to enlarge Originally Posted by Stevenh Click here to enlarge
        I used to come to this site for dynos, updates and tuning developments on all sorts of platforms...
        http://www.bimmerboost.com/content.p...lcat-automatic

        http://www.bimmerboost.com/content.p...ced-N20-engine

        http://www.bimmerboost.com/content.p...77-WHP-DI-ONLY!!!

        Those are all right below this article or did you miss them?
      1. Stevenh's Avatar
        Stevenh -
        Click here to enlarge Originally Posted by Sticky Click here to enlarge
        Those are all right below this article or did you miss them?
        Sorry, to clarify, when I said other platforms I meant outside of the BMW world. I feel like we used to get more articles focused on various platforms being pushed with great hard info (example: Viper with 300 shot N20, then 350 shot, 500 shot etc) that were fun to track and follow. Now I feel its more "Here is a set of $15,000 wheels on a $200,000 car", pulls from roll racing events that don't provide any real info besides what those two particular cars can do against each other or rants about BMW selling out. Maybe those get you the clicks, but as a long time fan and follower, that's my honest feedback.
      1. Sticky's Avatar
        Sticky -
        Click here to enlarge Originally Posted by Stevenh Click here to enlarge
        Sorry, to clarify, when I said other platforms I meant outside of the BMW world. I feel like we used to get more articles focused on various platforms being pushed with great hard info (example: Viper with 300 shot N20, then 350 shot, 500 shot etc) that were fun to track and follow. Now I feel its more "Here is a set of $15,000 wheels on a $200,000 car", pulls from roll racing events that don't provide any real info besides what those two particular cars can do against each other or rants about BMW selling out. Maybe those get you the clicks, but as a long time fan and follower, that's my honest feedback.
        I appreciate the honest feedback. As this is the end of the year and holiday season most tuning shops are going to shut down until the second week of January. There isn't always something to new to share.

        Just browsing the homepage shows:

        http://www.boostaddict.com/content.p...o-with-93-pump

        http://www.boostaddict.com/content.p...-Mustang-GT500

        http://www.boostaddict.com/content.p...017-IMSA-CTSCC!

        http://www.boostaddict.com/content.p...ric-compressor


        I do my best to provide a mix of everything.
      1. 5soko's Avatar
        5soko -
        To be fair, g power has now dropped their mono supercharge 700hp kit to $15k lol
        https://www.g-power.com/benoetigt-en...700-ps_975.php

        Accurate list non the less! glad this was made.
      1. Sticky's Avatar
        Sticky -
        Click here to enlarge Originally Posted by 5soko Click here to enlarge
        To be fair, g power has now dropped their mono supercharge 700hp kit to $15k lol
        The dollar against the Euro dropped it Click here to enlarge

        But, yeah, it's more money than comparable options yet offers less power.
      1. Sticky's Avatar
        Sticky -
        Click here to enlarge Originally Posted by 5soko Click here to enlarge
        Accurate list non the less! glad this was made.
        I thought it was fun.
      1. j_hynson's Avatar
        j_hynson -
        Click here to enlarge Originally Posted by Sticky Click here to enlarge
        How so? Ask the Germans what? How to import millions of refugees and destroy society?
        No, ask them how they fit 100 jews into one car. (in the ash tray)
      1. Sticky's Avatar
        Sticky -
        Click here to enlarge Originally Posted by j_hynson Click here to enlarge
        No, ask them how they fit 100 jews into one car. (in the ash tray)
        Oh that joke is in very poor taste.
      1. j_hynson's Avatar
        j_hynson -
        Click here to enlarge Originally Posted by Sticky Click here to enlarge
        Oh that joke is in very poor taste.
        oh come on. its 2016. if we cant make jokes about race and not get angry about it we will always be at some kind of unrest. Im Catholic, American, Irish and Czech if anyone wants to have a go.
      1. Sticky's Avatar
        Sticky -
        Click here to enlarge Originally Posted by j_hynson Click here to enlarge
        oh come on. its 2016. if we cant make jokes about race and not get angry about it we will always be at some kind of unrest. Im Catholic, American, Irish and Czech if anyone wants to have a go.
        Do whatever you want. I'm just saying I think it's in poor taste.
      1. j_hynson's Avatar
        j_hynson -
        Click here to enlarge Originally Posted by Sticky Click here to enlarge
        Do whatever you want. I'm just saying I think it's in poor taste.
        Well im not the classiest broad around lol
      1. subaru335i's Avatar
        subaru335i -
        6. Gintani
      1. vitan's Avatar
        vitan -
        Click here to enlarge Originally Posted by Sticky Click here to enlarge
        How so? Ask the Germans what? How to import millions of refugees and destroy society?
        you nailed it
      1. OffensiveDriver's Avatar
        OffensiveDriver -
        I've decided that the people who inhabit these forums are a bunch of morons.

        Hey Dicky,

        When you meet your hero Donald Trump, ask him for me: "Hey Donny, how'd Roy Cohn's cock taste in your mouth"?

        out
      1. Sticky's Avatar
        Sticky -
        Click here to enlarge Originally Posted by OffensiveDriver Click here to enlarge
        I've decided that the people who inhabit these forums are a bunch of morons.
        I don't know man. There's quite a few with some high end hardware. Stupid people usually aren't successful. Smart ones are.

        People are morons, why? Because you have a different political view?
      1. j_hynson's Avatar
        j_hynson -
        Click here to enlarge Originally Posted by OffensiveDriver Click here to enlarge
        I've decided that the people who inhabit these forums are a bunch of morons.

        Hey Dicky,

        When you meet your hero Donald Trump, ask him for me: "Hey Donny, how'd Roy Cohn's cock taste in your mouth"?

        out
        Of only two that had a chance to win, Donald and Hillary, what would of been your choice? No one else stood a chance, so don't give me a name outside of those too.

        At this point the smart people realized that it wasnt a race for all of the candidates. It was a race for two. At this point you choose the lesser of two evils and you do everything you can to make sure the one you definitely do not want in the office doesn't get elected.

        The electoral college has voted and after all of the count was finished, and illegal voting has been counted out, Trump won. So does this mean the dumba$$es who were screaming "the people chose Hillary" and that electoral college votes is outdated should get "lernt" up before making an a$$ of themselves?

        Get grabbed by the pussy.